Evolution

Have you ever wondered about evolution? I’m not talking about Darwin’s theory, rather I’m talking about our own evolution from a scrawny teenager to the man or woman you are today. Its always a great timepass for me thinking about the changes that happened in me over the years. Right now, as I’m counting the months till I’m into 30, I am thinking about my own evolution very often. Recently, I met a school friend after so many years. In fact I met him for the first time after school. We saw a few times afterwards, and after the first day of awkwardness it was heartwarming to find that the wavelength still exists, we were those scrawny teenagers at heart.

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My friend casually stated how much I have changed, from the girl who used to come to school with oily hair and big glasses to lipsticks, contacts lenses and fashionable/presentable handbags. Later that night, I thought – is it the appearance only that changed? Hell no! I am a completely different person now. I’m not sure if many people feel so, but thinking back I never liked the old me. Apart from bad fashion choices, I made a lot of bad choices at that time which very badly affected my education, career and life paths. Even though I turned up not so bad in life there are times when we regret making certain life choices – that train of thoughts starting with ‘If I had done so then ‘. Even though I loved my school life, I don’t miss that life. I’ve seen so many people getting nostalgic about their school life, but the only thing I miss about being in school was the ample time we had for doing things we love, the music practice sessions, the teachers. But friends – No. I know it sounds strange, but its true. I don’t miss my school friends. Sounds pretty messed up, right?

As I analyse this strange phenomena I find out there are two reasons. The first one is that I never indulged in fun activities with my school friends like playing games (I wasn’t a sports person..still not), going for movies (parents didn’t allow till I was older), or any others. The second reason – I was that studious girl who felt all these were a waste of time from studies and the only real friends I had were my Harry Potter books. I do have very few school friends who keep in touch, but I guess I wasn’t popular among the famous guys and girls. As I moved from school to college, things changed as I met a whole bunch of new friends who didn’t have any pre-judgements and I made friends fast. The first year of engineering college was so awesome, and I got the taste of what fun real friends are. There was still so many restrictions from my parents’ side which dampened the spirits, but still I was having fun.

Somehow things changed again as so many things happened and again I pulled back from many good friends. Now when I look back, the decisions and choices we make before 20 years are completely stupid. So my real friends for life time came only later – when I was in Hyderabad for GATE coaching and later when I joined for Masters in Engineering. These two phases were real game changers and I still can’t emphasize strongly enough how much I value those days. I realized how much a person’s life changes when they start actually living with friends, away from parents. Had I been in a hostel from my graduation days I’m sure things would have been different. I became more sharing, caring and responsible. Late night talks, gossiping, doing laundry together, cooking together, a whole new family is being created for us and how beautiful those memories are. I’m so happy I evolved into a person with very less friends to a person with some best friends.

Through all the years of my infamous evolution, there was one person who faithfully stood by me through thick and thin. Now when I look back, the only real friend I had throughout was my brother. We were not the filmy type brother-sister duo where brother would cry seeing sister hurt. In fact ours was a more equal relation where he never quite pampered me (though I wish sometimes he had), treated me like an equal, fought with me, made me do my own things. We never kept in touch continuously, but I know when I need him he will be there, whatever happens. Also if someone hurts me, he will encourage me to kick their ass instead of doing it himself. So, whoever I am today, I have evolved the hard way through heartaches, heartbreaks, real friends, fake friends, special friends and rock solid support from family. Quite lucky, aren’t I?

PS: Image source: Google

My Little Teacher

Today I’m writing about the things I learnt from my son, a 20 months old toddler. Often we overlook these tiny humans, but watch closely and we can find so many things to learn from them. The life as a mother is taking its toll in many ways I agree, but its all worthwhile, believe me.

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1. Staying happy

The first and foremost thing I learned from my baby is that you can be happy ALWAYS. If we observe a toddler laughs loudly atleast 10 times in an hour. The giggles, cute little snorts and smiley faces are making the people around them also happy. No matter if they fell and cry, show them their favourite toy and they start smiling through the tears, get engrossed in their play and in a few minutes they forget all their pains. How many of us have tried this? Next time you’re hurt just take up your favourite hobby / favourite show/ call your favourite person/make your favourite meal. Get engrossed and forget the pain. The trick is to distract your mind which keeps focussing on the hurt. You just need to re-focus onto things you love.

2. Perseverance

Often I see my boy trying to pull open that cupboard which is locked with a key. I try to reason with him, saying it can be opened with a key only which I’m not going to give you. Still he tries to open with his whole strength. Seeing his effort, I offer him the key which I know he won’t be able to insert properly in the keyhole. He is happy with the result that I gave him the key. He tries again with full energy. Sometimes he loses interest, leaves the key and goes off. Sometimes he throws the key away in frustration. But he always come back, tries and within days he succeeds in inserting the key properly. The same continues in turning the key and opening the cupboard. Its amazing that the small kid has so much perseverance while we adults are disheartened by our first failure. Keep the fire burning, always come back with full energy. The result will be fruitful, although delayed.

3. Love unconditionally

As a parent, I have disappointed my baby in many ways. He cries when he wakes up and doesn’t find me near. He cries when I don’t give him my mobile phone / TV remote / other costly items that may get damaged. He cries when I don’t let him spoil freshly laundered clothes. He cries when I scold him / pinch him for beating / biting others. In a day there are so many times when he throws tantrums and the reason behind the tantrum is me. Still he loves me unconditionally. The minute I pretend to cry, he comes running to my arms and showers me with kisses. At night he needs me beside him to sleep no matter how much I have made him cry unintentionally (No mother in the world wants their child to cry deliberately…situations!). His face blooms like a flower when he sees me first after waking up. I cuddle him up in the morning soon after waking up. Now I ask myself – Are we adults this much forgiving? How many days we build up anger before finally forgiving small mistakes? Even after days/months we keep pricking the old wounds. Be like a baby – love without conditions, forgive and be happy in the smallest of things!

4. Curiosity

The one big change that happened in my life after the baby was born is that I began observing nature again. Just a crow on a tree outside keeps my little one engaged and happy for so much time. Slowly I began observing nature through his eyes and good lord, we do live in a beautiful world. In the mechanical monotony of home – office – home routines its been a while since I paused to smell the flowers in my garden, or noticing anything beautiful. Nowadays I’m astounded in the variety of birds around us, and the different sorts of chirpings we hear everyday. Its like I’ve suddenly tuned into a new radio channel. All these beauties I have been ignoring. The child finds all this so entertaining and in turn the curiosity needs to be developed in us also. From my baby I learnt this lesson – I’m now enjoying our nature more, which soothes my mind.

5. Compassion

I truly believed that good manners, kindness all these are to be taught. Turns out most of the people have some of the seeds of compassion and other good traits embedded in them by birth. From blowing kissies to kittens in the cartoons to offering food to crows, they do have concern and love for other living beings. May be they learn from others, maybe its their goodness. When was the last time we hugged our friends? or family members? When was the last time we said ‘I love you’ to the people that matters? Lets learn it from toddlers, lets hug and kiss people who love us ( after the covid-19 pandemic passes of course!) and not take them for granted.

Apart from this, I’m still learning so much from my little one, in fact he is teaching me new lessons of patience, how to curb your frustrations etc with all sorts of mischief and a cute little face. In fact I’m growing along with him – as a mother, as a friend, as a better human being. And I’m cherishing each moment to the fullest because as they say, very soon our homes will be less messy and a lot quieter and the little ones will no longer fit into our laps and we are going to miss them terribly. More like sand in our fists, their childhood will drizzle past, and can never be regained. So be like a baby (pun intended)!!