Beauty and The Inner Beast

The first blog. The first of so many things have gone way too bad for me, so I’m not putting much hopes. So this is my first leap of faith towards a seemingly impossible dream of writing a book someday. My better half suggested, why not try a blog. Well Mister, this has been in my mind for so long but I was too much shy/not confident to let people read my articles. The husband is all praise for whatever I write, for he’s actually a sweet soul but hey, come on I’m one of those perpetual hiding women in this matter…hide from your ex-boyfriend, hide from your old teacher, hide from your boss in the super market…hide from your fears to be precise.

The last time I tried something new was yesterday. It was my cousin’s wedding ceremony and all our family had gathered for the function. The bride’s mom (my aunt) gifted me a beautiful new kanjeevaram silk saree to grace the occasion in. Having a 9 month old baby makes it impossible to get ready on my own from home, so I decided to find a beauty salon for the tedious chore of draping a saree. So I reached the parlour an hour early. The bride was getting ready in the same parlour, so it was absolute mayhem in there. My first mistake – I should have chosen another parlour. But, as professionals in one of the most competitive fields, some ladies gave me their attention and started to drape the saree, do my hair and makeup.

As they were doing the final touches, to my horror, I realized that I haven’t lost my maternity weight gain as I believed(or wanted to believe). I looked like a 35 year old lady with big fat arms, and big..well, everything! My self confidence shattered down like a glass dropped to the floor and my hair looked absolutely hideous all poufed up. The women who did my makeup assured me I looked pretty, but I couldn’t bring myself to step out of the room.

My husband called to pick me up, directed me to come out and wait for him on the opposite side of the road, which included crossing a busy street with lots of people staring at me, to add to my horrors of the day. I prayed for my husband to reach fast, while i deliberately ignored anybody passing nearby me. The humiliating wait barely lasted 5 minutes though it felt like 5 hours. My knight in shining armour came to rescue me, looking so young and handsome (damn you men! How easy for you to become a father!) and I hopped in. For the sweet soul I told he was, he said I looked so beautiful and that he remembered our wedding day. And I wanted to cry when I remembered how slim and pretty I was, once upon a time.

As I walked into the auditorium, my mind in a turmoil…suddenly I felt calm. When did I become so shallow as to panic about my looks? Here I am, a 28 year old woman, well educated, working in a multi national company, earning an income of my own, having a husband and a son who loves me, a family that supports me, and so I’m not as slim as I used to be. Big deal. I gave birth to a human being not a year ago, and I’m proud of the weight that came with it. So I walked in, head held high, holding the hands of a man I love, believing that everybody thinks I’m beautiful. Period.

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